Ok ive done a few things>
* fix that controls loading thing
* fix the bug where u can join matches that are in-play
* Made the socket reconnect code a bit better
* added more logs on the server
* (5. I noticed the big explosion sounds always plays no matter what ure sound settings are, that is probably fixed now)
I do still think there is a general problem of crap connectivity and communication with the free server being unreliable.
I will update the server and client and play some more and troubleshoot some more.
If I can determine what is failing maybe I can write code to let it fail gracefully.
I'll do a few passes of this, then try a paid server and see if that makes a big difference